Eminem
and Tiger Woods
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : Issue 4, Vol. II
 Another
Sign...
I'll be honest.
The idea for this article wasn't mine. I was
inspired to write it after watching Conan O'Brien
interview Chris Rock on his show. After the
common talk show pleasantries, Rock admitted that
he was afraid the world was ending. O'Brien asked
why and Rock told him that "Well, the golfer
is black and the best rapper is white." Next
thing I know, I have a cover story for the site.
Anyway, I agree
with Mr. Rock. The fatalistic aspect of this site
has provided me an outlet to say that, indeed,
the world is ending. The two signs featured in
this article have been two of the biggest
newsmakers of the year: Eminem and Tiger Woods.
But, you say, "A rapper and a golfer...what's
the big deal?" Well, my friend, Eminem is
white and Woods is black. They seem to have
switched roles. It's a sure sign of the
apocalypse.
A
Comparison
The role reversal of the two seem to be God's way
of telling us that the world is ending. The argument only seems obvious now that both
figures are famous newsmakers. But a short
comparison of the two subject shows that a
greater force intended the destruction of the
world to happen in the near future. Read below.
| REAL NAME |
| TIGER WOODS |
EMINEM
|
| Eldrick Woods |
Marshall Mathers |
| HIGH SCHOOL |
| Western High School |
Osbourne High
School (drop out) |
| COLLEGE |
| Stanford University |
Um, none. |
| PARENTS |
| Earl and Kutilda |
Who knows? |
| MEANING OF
NAME |
| Tiger: a very large tawny
black-stripped Asian cat; Wood's father's
military nickname |
M 'n M's: chocolate
candy that melts in your mouth, not in
your hand. |
| INFLUENCES |
| Jack
Niclaus, Arnold Palmer,
Gary Player |
LL Cool J, 2 Live
Crew, Dr. Dre |
Clearly,
the way they've lived their lives is very
different. The difference surely displays a sign
of the end of the world--how often do you see
this role reversal happen?
Accomplishments
A-Plenty
But, we have to give the Eminem and Tiger some
credit. They've excelled in their respective
careers and are successful at what they do. Tiger,
for example, is ranked number one in just about
every golf category:
-
Scoring Average: 67.79 (1)
-
Total Earnings
(PGA and
World PGA Tours): $9,313,732 (1)
-
Top Ten Finishes: 17 (1)
-
World Ranking: 1
Now
add to that his endorsement earnings, numerous
accolades, and tons of magazine covers (and a Wheaties box), and you've got yourself one heck
of a marketing and golfing phenomenon. In fact,
Tiger has replaced Michael Jordan as the most
marketable name in sports (with Kobe Bryant,
Derek Jeter, and Anna Kournikova lagging behind).
And
he's been doing this all his life. His interest
in golf started at 6 months when he would imitate
his father's swing. At age 2, he appeared on the
popular Mike Douglas Show putting
with legendary comedian Bob Hope. By age 3, he
could shoot a 48 in 9 holes. He appeared in Golf
Digest at just 5 years old and then went on
to win the Optimist International Junior
Tournament 6 times, at ages 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, and
15. He was well on his way to a successful golfing
career.
Eminem's
childhood, however, wasn't quite as productive.
He grew up in a stereotypical white trash trailer
park area in Warren, Michigan. He moved often and
found it difficult to find friends. His father
left his mother and his mother suffered from Münchausen's
syndrome by proxy: a disorder in which the
sufferer complains that his/her child has
symptoms that are pretended or self-induced. This
caused her to load young Marshall with pills and
unnecessary medicine.
After
dropping out of high school, he began to rap and
eventually got a rough copy of his Slim Shady
EP to Dr. Dre. Eventually, the album debuted
at number 3 on the Billboard charts and went on
to go platinum. His follow up album, The
Marshall Mathers LP, debuted at the number
one spot and stayed there for 8 weeks. It sold 1.76
million copies in its first week, a feat topped
only by N'Sync. "The Real Slim Shady"
video also won Video of the Year and Best Male
Video in this year's VMA's.
Despite
the positives in his career, Eminem has been
dogged by controversy. This year alone, he has
been sued by his mother, arrested for pulling a
gun at a nightclub, his wife attempted to commit
suicide, he almost got banned banned in Canada,
he awaits an impending divorce, he's boycotted by
the members of GLAAD, sued by his wife, and his
lyrics have been cited in the Senate hearing on
violence in the entertainment industry. Whew.
Sign,
eh?
Yes, this is a sign. Tiger Woods was the first
person of African American heritage to win a PGA
Grand Slam. Eminem, meanwhile, was the first
white rapper to gain respect from the black and
white audience. Can such glaring evidence by
overlooked? I think not; that's why I say that
Eminem and Tiger Woods are clear Signs of the
Apocalypse.
|
