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Archived
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Tuesday, December 25, 2001
Merry
Christmas to
all
and to all a
shut up!
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Posted by Disco
Stu 8:30 PM :: Sign
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Saturday, December 22, 2001
It's
Christmas! Almost.
Since
it's nearly Christmas Day, here's some fun from the
folks at SNL. Boy, I love this song:
A
one, a-two, a one, two, three, four...
I
don't care what your momma says
Christmas time is near!
I don't care what your daddy says
Christmas time is dear!
All I know is that Santa's sleigh
Is making its way to the U.S.A.!
I don't care what the newsman says
Christmas is full of cheer!
I don't care if you think it's a lie
Christmas will be soon be here!
I don't care about anything
Except hearing these sleigh bells ring-ring-ring.
I wish it was Christmas today!
I wish it was Christmas today!
That
should tide you over until Renegade Monkey Nuns is
updated sometime in the middle of next week.
There are college applications and gifts to use after
all. Stay tuned for tons of articles on the way.
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Posted by Disco
Stu 5:30 PM :: Sign
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Friday, December 14, 2001
 Good
Stuff
Woo
hoo! Another writer! Please welcome the newest
staffer for Renegade Monkey Nuns, Randal
Graves. He will be writing many, many
articles in the future, as are current writers
Sideshow Rob and Norm.
The
Renegade Monkey Nuns staff has also whipped up a list
of our favorite bands and our favorite songs by those
bands. Sorry Aaron Carter, Lil Bow Wow, and LFO
fans, you'll have to look elsewhere to find them on
any best bands list. (Try looking at the Tiger
Beat trash dumpster)
Our
Favorite Electronic Noise - by the Renegade
Monkey Nuns Staff
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Posted by Disco
Stu 12:30 AM :: Sign
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Wednesday, December 12, 2001
5
Easy Ways to Beat Procrastination
Procrastination
can plague every person now and again. Here are
five efficient ways to beat procrastination.
1.
...
Remind
me to finish this the day after tomorrow.
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Posted by Disco
Stu 5:30 PM :: Sign
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Tuesday, December 11, 2001
Killer
Toys
A
consumer watch-group called Lion
& Lamb released its annual list of violent
children's toys just in time for the holiday shopping
season today. The list of 12 toys (called the
"Dirty Dozen") promotes violence and
intolerance to children, according to the Lion &
Lamb group. The Dirty Dozen list, for instance,
features a robot that attempts to shoot missiles in
order to protect the child's room. Another toy
that made the list is a K'Nex set that shoots foam
missiles. Since Renegade Monkey Nuns is more
than just a humor and opinion site, I've decided to
list the toys that barely missed the cut. Here
ya go:
1.
Little Habib's First Bomb-Building Kit
2.
Date Rape Barbie
3.
Tickle Me OJ Simpson
4.
Richard Simmons' Chocolate Fudge Packing Kit
5.
Ku Klux Klan's Lynch By Color
6.
Black Jumpsuit costume (with ski mask, crowbar, and
flashlight)
7.
Fly Like Superman sneakers (complete with 30 story
building)
I
hope this has been helpful.
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Posted by Disco
Stu 7:10 PM :: Sign
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Monday, December 10, 2001
A
Few Things...
Just
a few random things to think about:
No
one has yet to sign the guestbook. Hop to it
people!
Getting
one more writer! He'll be revealing himself soon
enough.
There
will be tons of articles on the way also.
They'll range from humorous to bizarre to just plain
stupid. You'll like 'em.
You
might be a gay man if... you like to have sex with
other gay men.
The
best type of Starburst is the kind that comes in the
blue packaging.
I
can't get that song in the Gap commercials out of my
head. It's so damn catchy. The song is
"Give A Little Bit" by Supertramp, by the
way.
Why
can't I find a counter that will work with Microsoft
FrontPage?
Water
+ Britney Spears + Skimpy Clothing = HEEYYY!
More
randomness in the days to come. And, again,
you'll be hearing from the other writers very soon...
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Posted by Disco
Stu 6:00 PM :: Sign
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Sunday, December 9, 2001
Perverted
Football Announcers
Here's
something I heard during the Giants-Cowboys game today,
uttered by an announcer:
"Boy,
that penetration can really screw you."
Where's
Dennis Miller when you need him?
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Posted by Disco
Stu 1:30 PM :: Sign
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Friday, December 7, 2001
College!
As
a high school senior, there are certain things you
must do before you graduate. First, you must
curse out all the teachers you despised or better yet,
go to their home and anonymously leave a flaming sack
of crap at their door step. Second, you and your
friends must make a pact that each of you will do it
with a girl by prom night; this process involves, of
course, having sex with pies, convincing the hot
foreign exchange student to strip in your room, and
also possibly getting involved with one of your
friends' mother. Third, and most important, you
must go through the rigorous process of applying to
college.
In
order to make this process just a little bit more
entertaining and helpful, I've cooked up a little
guide on how to write the perfect college essay.
It's true that the college essay can sway admissions
officers' opinions, so make sure to follow precisely
what is laid out in the article.
How
to Write the Perfect College Essay - by Disco
Stu
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Posted by Disco
Stu 11:00 PM :: Sign
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Thursday, November 29, 2001
Updates
No
updates until Saturday afternoon. Too busy.
Masturbating. Just kidding.
Look
forward to actual written articles when I update next.
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Posted by Disco
Stu 12:20 PM :: Sign
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Monday, November 26, 2001
Wacko
Jacko
Apparently,
Michel Jackson's skin
was digitally altered to appear darker in his
Thirtieth Anniversary Special on CBS a few weeks
ago. Really? I saw most of the Jacko
special and didn't notice it.
Here
is a picture of Michael as he appeared during the live
show (before the alleged alteration):
And
here he is as he appeared on television (after the
alleged alteration):
They
altered his skin to make him appear more black?
I don't see it.
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Posted
by Disco Stu
6:30 PM :: Sign
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New
feature
I
added a guest
book to the site; now, you can comment on whatever
the hell I or the other writers say on this
site. There's a link to the left under
"Interact" and there'll be a link whenever I
post something.
I
was bored over the weekend, so I decided to overhaul
how my desktop looked. Now it looks super
spiffy! I messed with all the fonts, colors,
icons, spacing, etc. to give it a nicer look. I
also changed my Britney wallpaper to this
new one, which you can view here
or here
for a smaller version. I think I got the
wallpaper from desktopgirls.com, but that site doesn't
seem to be working right now.
See
my desktop in normal
resolution - smaller
resolution
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Posted
by Disco Stu
11:00 PM :: Sign
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Sunday, November 25, 2001
Just
a few links...
Don't
you hate it when Jesus comes to your house
unannounced? He is, after all, the Son of God,
so there are certain things to keep in mind while
around him. Click hear
to find out how to act when you meet Jesus Christ.
Also,
most college football teams ended their regular season
today. Some are on their way to the four major
bowl games, while others play for different
championships. Swing by here
to find out how the ultra-complicated rankings are
calculated.
Oh
yeah, go download, um, I mean buy the following
great songs. They're hand-picked for freshness:
"Trouble"
by Coldplay
"Last
Night" by The Strokes
"My
Sharona" by The Knack
"New
York, New York" by Ryan Adams
Carry
on, good people!
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Posted
by Disco Stu
9:00 PM :: Sign
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 Tourists
I
had never realized how many people I could mug until I
traveled into Manhattan last Friday. The people
I could have beaten senseless, of course, were
tourists sightseeing in New York. One thing I noticed,
though, was how completely obvious it was that these
people were tourists attempting, without success, to not
look like tourists. Every tourist I saw had
every clichéd trait you could think of and could
easily have been mugged without getting caught.
For instance, I saw no less than a dozen people who
were obviously from the mid-west or south, and assumed
so simply by what they were wearing. If you're a
tourist, there are several things to avoid. Read
below.
You
might be a tourist if you...
...wear
an "I Love New York" t-shirt.
...wear
an "I Love New York" baseball cap.
Backwards. And it's one size fits all.
...show
off your $500 state of the art, super-lens camera.
...have
seen The Statue of Liberty.
...take
pictures of your friends standing by a window on the
Staten Island Ferry.
...wear
shorts in the winter with knee-high black socks.
...have
a mullet.
...wear
any clothing brighter than the color black.
...have
more than 3 kids under 6 years old.
...you
have never seen a gay person, an Asian person, or a
building taller than 5 stories in your life.
...worry
about your cow "Bessie."
...pronounce
Houston Street as "Hyoos-tuhn" instead of
"Hows-tun."
...are
fascinated by homeless people.
...wear
a cowboy hat.
...start
conversations with hookers and pimps at Times
Square. You do not know they are hookers and
pimps.
...willingly
give
your wallet to an "Official New York Wallet
Inspector."
...do
not litter.
...laugh
nervously whenever the subway gets crowded.
...are
disappointed by New York pizza because "It ain't
as good as Pizza Hut."
Just
a few things to keep in mind the next time you plan to
go sightseeing in New York.
NOW
LISTENING TO: "Last Night" by The Strokes
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Posted
by Disco Stu
1:15 AM :: Sign
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Saturday, November 24, 2001
Why?
Why was I programmed to feel pain?
I've been hanging out with this tough guy since I've been gone.
Well,
after a long bout with laziness, I've finally gotten
the site back up. From now on, Renegade Monkey
Nuns will look and operate differently than what it
had been before. It'll actually be updated daily
(for once) with whatever me and the other writers can
come up with.
Speaking
of writers, I'm still looking for more. Right
now, I've got me (Disco Stu), Sideshow
Rob, and Norm
writing articles about how to solve homelessness by
evicting inner-city residents. We'll solve it
somehow.
Since
I haven't updated in a while (and haven't really
written anything), below are some of my favorite
articles. These articles are filled with bitter
rants, satiric commentary, wry humor, and recipes for
shrimp. Read, please:
MarryTom.Com
Interview
with a Lamp
How
to be a Rap Superstar
Balls
Galore! Sports in 2000
Future
Survivor Ideas
Has-Beens:
Musicians From the Early 80's and 90's
Interview
with John Rocker
Marilyn
Manson as Willy Wonka
10
New Name Suggestions for North Dakota
Interview
with Mr. T
How
to Survive a Chat Room
Guess
the Ab
Is
Anybody Reading This? Myths About Making Web Sites
Almost
Better Than Sex: Sideshow Rob Goes Sightseeing in NYC
And
my favorite fake news stories:
Def
Jam Houses of Congress Edition Released
Actor
Brags About Part in Days of Our Lives
Gorilla
to Sign Language Instructor: "I'd Rather be Looking at
Snatch and Doing Blow."
Local
Man Hires Hot Secretary
Crack
Decides to Keep Ruining Lives
Molybdenum Quits
the Periodic Table of Elements
Anyways,
I'm cooking up some tasty articles (not to mention
dozens of different shrimp dishes) on the coming
days. Make sure to come back FOR FREE PORN!!!
Just
kidding. Maybe.
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Posted
by Disco Stu 11:30 AM
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