John
Rocker
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : Issue 6, Vol. II
 It's
been almost two years since John Rocker first made a scene in New
York. To refresh your memory, he basically bad mouthed the
fans of the New York Mets, made fun of the unique characters on
the 7 Train, cursed spectators during a playoff game, and burned
several crosses in the name of the Klu Klux Klan. This southerner
has made it clear to the world that he doesn't like the "Negroes,"
as he often likes to refer to them; he also does not like
"homos," "Jew-Bags," "plants,"
"midgets," and "human beings in general."
Though he's mainly behaved himself this season, Rocker has found
the need to break his long silence about his misgivings. He
has chosen Renegade Monkey Nuns as a platform for his
repentance. Let's see if it works.
Renegade
Monkey Nuns: Thanks for sitting down for this interview.
Do you want to start us off?
John Rocker: Sure. I mean [CENSORED
CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] in the barn, but [CENSORED
CENSORED CENSORED]. Am I right, or am I right?
RMN:
Wow...
JR: Yeah I know, I mean after all,
[CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED]. The last thing you
want to have in your car is a [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] with a
bunch of [CENSORED CENSORED]. Jeez.
RMN:
Well, I guess so. But, that's somewhat bigoted. I
mean--
JR: Well, maybe, but you never know.
That's why I [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED
CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED
CENSORED]. Don't you? I mean I AM from the south after
all.
RMN:
You know what, John, let's move on. I'll name someone in
baseball, and you can tell me what you think of him.
JR: Shoot [CENSORED].
RMN:
*Sigh*. Ok, um, your team mate John Smoltz.
JR: Homo.
RMN:
Ok... Peter Gammons, the sports writer.
JR: Butt pirate.
RMN:
Bud Selig?
JR: Queer.
RMN:
Randy Johnson?
JR:
Fudge packer.
RMN:
Honestly, John, do you think that everyone is gay?
JR:
Shut up, queer.
RMN:
Ok, this interview is over.
JR:
You're gay. You like to [CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED
CENSORED]. Take that!
RMN:
Alright, that's enough.
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