Mr.
T Speaks!
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : 07.23.01
 "I
pity the fool!" "Quit yo' jibba-jabba!"
"I'll get you, sucka!"
Ah,
has there ever been sweeter words heard by the human
ear? Those words, of course, are spoken by the
legendary Mr. T. His illustrious career got a shot in
the arm in the 1980s when he played B.A "Bad
Attitude" Baracus in The A-Team.
Sadly, he didn't do much acting after the show ended,
instead focusing his strengths on his short wrestling
career (as Mr. T-Rex in the WWF), and many cameos in
television, movies, and in K-Mart. But, who
cares? Mr. T has always been about attitude and
presentation. With his mohawk, baggy pants, and
trademark plethora of gold, he is truly a class
act. I don't often say this, but Mr. T is the
greatest man in the history of humanity. So move
over, Ghandi, King Solomon, and Jesus, because here
comes Mr. T!
(With
actual sound clips! To hear Mr. T answer, just click
the responses. It takes about 2 seconds to
download)
Renegade
Monkey Nuns: Hello, Mr. T. Before we start, I must say
that it is an honor to be in you presence. How
do you feel when people say that about you?
Mr. T: I
like that.
RMN: That's
nice. You know, I feel like I've known you all my life,
Mr. T.
Mr. T: You
know me? Of course you do. That's because I'm famous.
RMN: Right,
but I think people's familiarity with you goes beyond
fame. Is there a reason why you've made it this far?
Mr. T: Shyness.
RMN: Ah,
the virtue of humility. What else?
Mr. T: And
I got respect.
RMN: You
certainly do. Is that it?
Mr. T: And
willing to take chances and risk falling on your face.
RMN: You're
also a humanitarian. You've told kids to
"Get 8 hours of sleep, fool!" millions of
times. But, you've laid down the law when you
were forced, right?
Mr. T: When
punks start hassling decent people, I make it my
business.
RMN: Good.
Hmm... I think I'm getting hungry.
Mr. T: Potato
salad, Jimmy?
RMN: Uh,
my name's not Jimmy.
Mr. T: Yeah,
how about it Jimmy?
RMN: I
said my name's not Jimmy.
Mr. T: Of
course not.
RMN: I'm
still hungry though.
Mr. T: How
about your bag of popcorn?
RMN: Oh,
right. Thanks for reminding me.
Mr. T: Eat
your heart out.
RMN: Ok,
lets continue the interview. Hey, nice
shoes. I heard you have one foot that's bigger
than the other.
Mr. T: There
ain't no big foot. It's just a big story, that's
all.
RMN: Alright,
then, but... Mr. T, what's wrong?
Mr. T: PAIN!
RMN: It
looks like your gold shoe got stuck in some sort of
trap.
Mr. T: My
foot--I think it's broken!
RMN: Your
gold shoe is still caught in the trap, Mr. T.
Mr. T: Hey,
my gold... my precious gold! I pity the fool
that set this trap!
RMN: You
better stay calm, Mr. T. I'll tell you what to do to
alleviate the pain.
Mr. T: Shut
up, fool!
RMN: What??
I'm trying to--
Mr. T: I
ain't taking no orders from no chipmunk.
RMN: I'm
not a chipmunk. I'll call for help, then.
Mr. T: Oh
man, stop jibba-jabberin' and start liftin'!
RMN: You
mean your foot? Okay... wait a minute. It feels
like jelly.
Mr. T: The
only thing turnin' to jelly is your brain!
RMN: No,
seriously, Mr. T. The heavy gold shoe must've--
Mr. T: I
think if you don't stop flappin' yo' lips, I'm'a
highlight your head black and blue!
RMN: Alrighty
(Stu lifts T's foot). That should do it.
You might be light-headed for a while and say strange
and unusual things.
Mr. T: (hallucinating) I
pity the fool thugasaur who tries to take over the
world, then goes cryin' home to his momma!
RMN: See?
It's starting already.
Mr. T: Hey,
sucka--you better not be talkin' to no invisible
animals.
RMN: That's
nice. It should wear off in a few minutes.
Mr. T: Daydreaming...
RMN: Let's
end this interview before anyone else gets hurt.
Mr. T: I
want to thank you for hangin' out with Mr. T
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