Bill
and Al's Excellent Adventure
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : 08.13.01
His
Legacy
Remember Bill Clinton? No? Well, he was
our 42nd President from Arkansas and, like George
Washington, served 2 complete terms. Unlike
George, though, he wasn't the Father of Our
Country. Instead, he was probably the father of
enough people to make a country. His terms were
plagued with scandal and pretty soon, you'll hear
about those scandals from his perspective.
Clinton
recently signed a deal to write his memoirs for a
whopping $10 Million. Once the book is
published, you can count on a movie to be made.
After all former presidents have long been subjects of
good movies: Nixon, Truman, and JFK
were all entertaining movies that involved presidents.
But,
what would Clinton's biopic be like? Well,
directors could go the straight route and hire good
actors to portray Bill, Al, and the gang. But,
that wouldn't be any fun. The possibilities are
endless, so moviemakers shouldn't limit themselves to
the plain, normal route.
Here
are better ideas:
The
Porn Flick
Clinton's
sexual escapades in his life have been sources for embarrassment
for his family. It would only be fitting for
Clinton's movie to be porno.
Sample
Screenplay Transcript:
INTERIOR
SHOT of Clinton in the Oval Office working at his
desk. He is all alone and as the light from
windows floods in, Clinton hears a KNOCK on his door.
BILL
walks to the door and OPENS IT. He discovers
that it's his intern, Monica Lewinsky.
MONICA:
Mr.
President, here's that list you asked for.
BILL:
Thanks,
Monica. And can you do me another favor?
MONICA:
Sure,
Bill. What is it?
BILL:
Could
you get me a fire extinguisher?
MONICA:
Why?
Is there a fire??
BILL:
Yeah...
in my pants.
They
DO IT.
The
Weird Porn Flick
They
could always go for the art film approach; they'll do
something controversial, avant garde, and
innovative. But, it'll still be a porno flick.
Sample
Screenplay Transcript:
BILL
works in his office, looking bored. Suddenly,
his beloved dog BUDDY comes running in, barking
loudly.
BUDDY:
Arf!
BILL:
What
is it Buddy?
BUDDY:
Arf!
BILL:
Are
you looking for something, Buddy?
BUDDY:
Arf!
BILL:
Are
you looking for a bone?
BUDDY:
Arf!
BILL:
I'll
give you a bone...
They
DO IT.
 Happy
Days
Moviemakers
could take a cue from the wildly popular 70s sitcom Happy
Days starring Ron Howard, Tom Bosley, and Henry
Winkler. Instead of aiming for a gritty, true
life, R-rated movie, they could do a family-oriented
film. Bill could be like The Fonz, because he
was so charismatic. Al Gore could be like Richie
Cunningham because he's a tool and Roger Clinton could
be like Potsy (Potsy, because he likes pot). and
Monica could be Pinky Toscadero because she's a slut.
Sample
Screenplay Transcript:
BILL
and the gang (AL GORE, ROGER CLINTON, and MONICA
LEWINSKY) hang out at Arthur's restaurant. Talking
about various subjects, like motorcycles, sock hops,
and hamburgers.
AL
GORE:
Wow,
Fonzie...uh, I mean, Bill, you're the coolest!
ROGER
CLINTON:
Yeah,
you're out of sight, man!
BILL:
Heeyyy!
MONICA:
Hey,
Bill, can you take me to the sock hop?
BILL:
Heeyyy!
Yo, go with the flow or else you're a shmo.
Heeyyy!
MONICA:
You're
so cool Bill!
AL
GORE:
Yeah!
Hey, want to hear some music?
AL
puts a coin into the jukebox, but it doesn't work.
AL
GORE:
It
doesn't seem to be working, Bill. What'll we do?
BILL
turns to face the jukebox. He makes a fist and
taps it on the jukebox. Amazingly, it begins to
work.
BILL:
Heeyyy!
AL
GORE, ROGER, and MONICA:
You're
the coolest, Bill!
Can't
wait for these movies!
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