Rap
Superstar Part 2: Imitate Your Favorite Rappers
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : Issue 6, Vol. II
So You Want to be a
Rap Superstar...uh, again?
In a previous
article, I outlined steps on how to become a big Rap
star. The necessary prerequisites (like being black) and
essential steps were covered thoroughly and in detail. In
this installment of the Rap Superstar Series (the final
installment, by the way), I'll teach you how to rap like your
favorite rapper. Each rapper's characteristics are outlined
and sample lyrics, which are written by myself, will be
given. So who are the featured rappers? Well, there are hip
hop mainstays like DMX, Jay Z and Puff Daddy. And there is
also the controversial Eminem, and rap-rocker Fred Durst, whose
lyrics are heavily derived from rap music.
RAPPER
NO.1: DMX
 Characteristics:
DMX is probably the most hardcore mainstream rapper in the
scene today. His gang background and his strong,
in-your-face personality has clearly defined his lyrical
works. The technique he most often employs in his songs is
ending each line with the same rhyme: Park, Shark, Lark, and Dark
would all be at the end of each line, for example. He
extends this technique even further by using the same word
for each line, instead of using different words that rhyme.
The content depends greatly in DMX's songs, but usually, he talks
about his "dawgs," his "niggaz," "mymansendem"
(another word for "dawgs"). He also talks about
how his life is sad, that he was deprived of things when he was a
child, and also that he was able to escape the sadness and become
successful. Another big indication of a DMX song is lots of
barking and growling between lines. He also doesn't like
white people.
Sample
Song: "My Dawgs Go Get 'Em"
GRRR!
Whaaat? Grrr! What?!
DA
HOOK:
My
Dawgs go get 'em. Ruff!
My
niggaz go get 'em. Arf!
My
hoes, get the tables: go and set 'em. Bow wow!
My
Dawgs go get 'em.
My
Dawgs go get 'em. Grrr! Arf! Arf!
Where
my dawgs at? Where my Ruff Ryders at?
Are
they with mymansendem? (What!)
In
the ghetto? My niggaz always live in 'em.
In
cars? My niggaz always holler in 'em.
In
jail? My niggaz always thrown in 'em.
In
music? My niggaz listen to D and Eminem.
Whaat!
Grrr! Arf! Arf!
Oh
yeah, and I hate white people.
(Repeat
Hook)
RAPPER
NO. 2: Jay Z
 Characteristics:
Jay Z (AKA Sean Carter, Jay-Hovah, Jigga) is probably the most
popular (black) rapper in America. He has often been referred
to as being one of the best rappers ever. Fans love his
charismatic lyrics that often deal with pimping, hoes, big sports
cars, pimping, making money, pimping, and pimping. He also
talks about pimping. Often times, he uses all his aliases in
his lyrics, referring to himself as Jigga and Sean Carter.
But, the main thing is the pimping: just listen to "Money,
Cash, Hoes," or "Big Pimpin'," which is his most
recent hit.
Sample
Song: "Jigga Pimpin' Hard"
DA
HOOK:
What?
Uh... I'm gonna pimp it, pimp it what? (Womans voice:
Hard)
I
said I'ma pimp it, and pimp it...what? Hard
Yeah,
I got my card and...
Jigga
gonna pimp it. Pimp it hard.
I
got hoes to the left of me,
Got
hoes to the right of me,
I
gotta pimp these hoes, send 'em to Italy.
When
I pimp these hoes I be makin' a dime,
Don't
have to write this fuckin' rhyme,
What's
that you say? Too many hoes, too little time.
Roll
in the dough, that's what Jigga says,
Stop.
Gotta get this hoe to a former prez.
(Repeat
Hook)
RAPPER
NO. 3: Puff Daddy
 Characters:
Though Sean "Puffy" Combs is one of the most
successful rapper-producers of all time, many in the Hip Hop
community often discount his artistic and lyrical abilities.
Some argue that he only rode along with the success of late rapper
Notorious B.I.G. Some say he has no lyrical talent, saying
that all he does is grunt and say "uh, yeah" in other
rappers' songs. Others more cite his very liberal use of
"samples" in his songs. All these are true.
Sample
Song: "Hello, Goodbye (Remixed Version)"
Yeah,
uh, yeah, uh.
(repeat
270 times, over samples of David Bowie's "Changes," Huey
Lewis and the News' "I Want a New Drug," and the
baseline to The Ramones' "Pet Semetary.")
RAPPER
NO. 4: Fred Durst
Characteristics:
Though Fred isn't a rapper in the traditional sense, he does
cite rap as heavily influencing his work as lead singer in Limp
Bizkit. Like most rap-rockers today, Durst relies on rage
and anger in his lyrics. The band's songs are generally
heavy metal tracks with lots of rhyming, though since the band's
first appearance on TRL, they have become increasingly more
radio-ready. Durst rarely writes a song without mentioning
"Limp Bizkit" in a song. He also NEVER writes a
song without curses or a mellow bridge in the middle.
Sample
Song: "Fuck
Off"
Spoken:
C'mon Lethal, scratch that fuckin' turn table.
WHEN
I SAY "LIMP," YOU SAY "BIZKIT."
LIMP!
BIZKIT!
LIMP!
BIZKIT!
WHEN
I SAY "FUCK," YOU SAY "YOU!"
FUCK!
YOU!
FUCK!
YOU!
Guess
what? I just said fuck!
Didn't
want me too? You're out of luck.
Cuz,
I got my boys in the Limp B-I-Z-K-I-T
And
this motherfuckin' band might be mighty.
I'm
quick and you're a suckah,
You
dirty muthafuckah.
Pull
my chainsaw out just in time, (Fuck IT!)
That's
the 9th time I said "fuck" in this fuckin' rhyme.
Just
fuckin' fuck off already!
 RAPPER
NO. 5: Eminem
Characteristics:
Em is the most controversial rap star
today. He has been criticized for his violent lyrics that
include raping and strangling his wife, making fun of pop stars,
killing gay people, and murdering his mother. Despite his
violent lyrics, Eminem is the best rap lyricist ever. I
officially named him that just now. His songs flow smoothly,
from rhyme to rhyme and he transitions extremely well. His
songs are long and often last more than 4 minutes (his best song,
for instance, "Stan" lasts over 6 minutes). Where
does all this violence come from? It's probably his
traumatic childhood in Detroit: his mother had Munchhausen's
Syndrome By Proxy, his best friend died at a young age, and his
father left the family when he was still an infant. Eminem
says that people should see his lyrics for what they are (artistic
works), rather than take them literally. Most people aren't
so sure about that suggestion.
Sample
Song: "The Name is Marshall Mathers"
DA
HOOK:
My
name is Mathers. Who? Marshall Mathers.
My
name is Mathers. Who? Marshall Mathers
The
motherfuckin' Marshall Mathers,
That's
who. With an M-A-T-H-E-R-S,
Puttin'
all you motherfuckers under stress.
That's
Marshall. Who? Mathers, bitch...
Ring!
Ring!
Should
I pick the damn phone up?
Maybe
it's Kim, or the next guy she'll bone up.
But,
you don't know me. You say I hate my wife.
So
what? I just wanna stab her with a knife
Repeatedly
Conceitedly,
that's what you see of me
A
sea of green; this ain't for the money, bitch, it's all for me.
Don't
hate me 'cause I'm white,
That
just ain't right:
Just
because you see my face
That
means I can't tell Dre to turn up the base?
(Repeat
Hook)
So,
should I kill Kim? Yup the answer is yes.
But,
first I'ma rape the bitch, get under her dress.
Then
I'll fuckin' shoot Christina A. and then Britney Spears,
Followed
by faggots, homos, and even queers.
And
if you fear, fear nothing but fear itself
Cuz
I be making millions when this song flies off the shelf.
(Repeat
Hook)
This
is the final line,
I
hope I looked intellectual.
Oh
yeah, by the way, I'm a closet homosexual.
These
rappers do not represent the views of Renegade Monkey Nuns, Disco
Stu, or it's fellow writers and affiliates. So don't sue me.
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