Scooby
Doo
By Disco Stu - Editor in
Chief : Issue 1, Vol. I
 Everyone has seen the Scooby Doo
cartoons. Whether it was the original series in
the 70s starring Shaggy, Fred, Daphne and Velma
or the later revivals, we've all grown to love
the cartoon dog. But, after remaining silent for
over 20 years, Scooby Doo finally talks about
drug use, homosexuality, and life in the
spotlight. Renegade Monkey Nuns scored an
exclusive interview with Scooby in his California
ranch as he smoked a cigar. Renegade Monkey Nuns
apologizes in advance for Scooby's use of
profanity.
Renegade
Monkey Nuns: Ok let's start by talking about the
show and what happened behind the scenes.
Scooby
Doo: It was okay, I guess. I was Hannah-Barbera's
star back then and whenever contract negotiations
came up, they would always provide me with a bevy
of bitches. It never got old for me, anyway.
Monsters, money, and hoes...that was the life.
RMN: Now,
what about your cast mates? Were they as accommodating?
SD: Well,
in the beginning. I banged Daphne a couple of
times. She was a good lay. Fred was always nice...a
little too nice, if you catch my drift. But
Scooby wasn't having any of that. I don't swing
that way.
RMN: So
you're saying that Fred was gay?
SD:
Oh yeah. I mean, have you seen him? Just
listening to his voice can make you think: "Damn,
this guy is queer." He was always a snappy
dresser, he walked around in that gay ass orange
bandana, and he patted all the guys in the ass
whenever we finished taping an episode. What was
up with that? Plus he threw really gay Oscar
Nominee parties. He never even banged Daphne or
Velma...well, he had no chance with Velma, you
know.
RMN: Ah,
Velma was a lesbian?
SD: Hell
yeah. She was always following that bitch Daphne
around with those huge glasses. And did you see
her hair? Gay.
RMN: Let's
move on. It's no secret that there was a falling
out between you and Shaggy. Care to comment on
that?
SD:
Well, it's true. We always used to smoke pot and
shit together. That's how I got my name...you know,
Scooby Doobies. And why do you think we
were always hungry. Those Scooby snacks? They
were drugs. But after he realized that I was the
real star of the show, his habit got really bad.
We haven't talked to each other since the last
show ended.
RMN: Hmm...Anything
else to add?
SD: Nah...Shaggy
is a hippy pot addict, Fred's a butt pirate ,
Velma's a lesbian, and Daphne was a slut. End of
story.
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