X
Marks the Sport
By Sideshow
Rob - Senior Editor : Issue 6, Vol. II
 It's
over. At 11:18 PM EST on Saturday, April 21, 2001, the Los Angeles
Xtreme (notice the clever omission of the "E") finished
the 38-6 horsewhipping of the San Francisco Demons, capping off
the inaugural season on the Xtreme Football League, or XFL. Well,
that was interesting. Not the game. Not even the season. Just the
concept. The brainchild of billionaire World Wrestling Federation
owner Vince McMahon, the XFL has gone on a roller-coaster ride in
its inaugural season. Well… a roller coaster in the sense that
it runs out of power after the first hill and crashes back down to
earth, pulling all people inside to horrific crashes.
Judge for yourself. Why does the
XFL exist in the first place? I'm not sure actually. McMahon
attempted to buy the Canadian Football League, but really, why?
The WWF brings in millions of dollars, plus it ranks as one of the
highest television ratings on cable TV. Well, the baseball has its
minor league system, basketball has its overseas leagues, was
McMahon looking for a league to showcase new talent? Um, well,
isn't that what the CFL is for? If not that, what about the Kurt
Warner-producing Arena Football? Why provide another market? I
guess these are rhetorical questions, right? Am I right?
The return of instant replay. The
banning of the throat slash gesture. The banning of other
celebratory gestures. McMahon saw a market crying out for blood,
for the return of the hard hit, a little jiggy in the end-zone
perhaps. Throw in some cleavage, and you have the men 12-49
audience by the… oh, right, language too, gotta have language.
Call it "attitude" though, and you'll be safe. And who
needed the attitude image more than anyone? Well, consider the
four major networks. You got cop shows on FOX, CBS, and ABC…
and, well, since wrestling is already on UPN, why not? The XFL
found a home with NBC and UPN with the promise of bringing good
not great ratings to a tough time slot, early evening on Saturday
and Sunday. Expectations were high with additions of several
sponsors and big names, including former Chicago Bear crusher Dick
Butkus (which is also fun to say for those young-uns) and WWF
wrestler/Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura, plus with football
returning to Los Angeles… well, sounds good, right?
Maniax!
Hitmen! Enforcers! Xtreeeeeeeeeeeeeeme! Rolls off the tongue, right? And speaking of
tongues, they were panting at the first looks of the lovely ladies
of the XFL, the cheerleaders. Yum. NBC's first XFL commercial
rolled a camera around the showers, where coincidentally all the
cheerleaders happened to be wrapped (barely) in towels with the
announcer intoning, "Don't worry, we'll teach them how to
cheer." This has promise indeed. And the actual football?
Well, they weren't too bad either, as the opening weekend featured
a last second field-goal in its first game. And the people tuned
in, intrigued by the mystery of this whole new letter. The X was
good for a 9.5, NBC's highest rated show on a Saturday evening
since the Olympics. Life was good for NBC, UPN, and TNN, the other
station showing XFL games. And then…
People went out. They went to bars,
rented movies, did their usual Saturday routine. And the numbers
reflected that, plummeting nearly 50% to a 5.1. Then to a 3.8.
2.9. 2.4. Another 2.4. Worse than that? You betcha, as week 7
placed not only lower still, but the lowest Nielsen rating ever
for an evening sports broadcast at 1.6. Uh oh… the cheerleaders
and the cameras following them into their locker rooms weren't
helping. Neither was the growing WWF-like feud between New
York/New Jersey Hitmen coach Rusty Tillman and commentator Jesse
Ventura. Sponsors pulled out. Attendance dropped. The novelty took
very little time to wear off. The regular season finished with an
average of just over a 3.0, due mostly to the huge season debut.
The rules kept changing, at first to improve the quality of play,
then to speed up the action (this was due to a late starting
Saturday Night Live featuring the bootylicious Jennifer Lopez),
then just to… well, I don't know! What is a three-point
conversion? Isn’t that just like a field goal? I mean, the no
fair catches rule was interesting, the opening sprint for
possession was innovative if not reckless, but… duh… The
rulemakers got a bit carried away to say the least. The playoff
were constructed in an odd fashion as well with the #1 seeds in
the East and West playing the #2 seeds in the opposite divisions.
Which led to? Of course. An all-West final before San Francisco
and Los Angeles. Whoops.
And now it's over. Um, did anyone
see it? I did! XFL Player of the Year Tommy Maddox threw a
touchdown, Jose Cortez was perfect on four field goal attempts,
and yes, the cheerleaders were friggin' hot! But what's the future
like for the Xtremists? NBC's threatening to stop showing games.
The only articles mentioning the XFL also contain the words
"shipwreck," "laughingstock," "new low
for Nielsen"… well, you get the idea. So will a X be seen
in the future of sports? My educated guess as a male 12-49? Sorry,
but before very long, the XFL will be reduced to simply a
permanent fixture in the monologue of Jay Leno, joining Richard
Simmons and Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky.
"So Kevin, what are you plans
for this weekend? Date? Nah… Pot party?" (laughter begins)
"No, I know, this'll get you going, the XFL! I mean,
hey!"
Yep, makes me laugh too.
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